A Few Words from “Sports Blitz Ditz”

Checked out this blog today, and her SuperBowl post was too great to not be re-posted. Especially because I’m a fellow blonde. Go Pack Go!

Sports commentators have spent the last two weeks over-analyzing every single little statistic related to the Steelers and Packers in an attempt to predict the Super Bowl winner.  This is cool…if you’re into that sort of thing.  But I’m blonde, and everyone knows blondes don’t do “smart people stuff” like looking at boring numbers (plus, these two teams happen to be pretty similar, particularly on defense, so the game could really go either way).  So, let’s take a look at the factors that actually matter in this match-up:

Hair

Apparently, this game has turned into the battle of the hair.  On the Steelers side you have Troy Polamalu’s Rapunzel-esque hair, while on the Packers side you have Clay Matthews’ golden locks.  Both guys have endorsements with hair product companies: Polamalu with Head and Shoulders and Matthews with Suave.  Polamalu’s locks also happen to be insured for $1 million.  But despite the fact that his hair is worth so much, it looks like it hasn’t been washed since the beginning of the season and there’s a good chance enough food crumbs have fallen into it to make a full meal (which I suppose could be useful should you ever find yourself stranded on a deserted island with him).  Plus, Matthews is blonde and blondes have to stick together…and ya know, blondes have more fun.  So, sorry Pittsburgh, but Green Bay wins.

Location

Both teams are from extremely popular vacation spots: sunny Green Bay, Wisconsin and beautiful Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania.  Yeah, not so sure either really wins this fight.  So, let’s look at it this way: cheese versus steel.  Seeing as how I went to college in a town where one of the biggest steel producers was located, you’d think I’d have an appreciation for all things industrial.  However, it turns out that not nearly as many ragers take place in abandoned steel mills as one would assume.  But, I do happen to love me some feta and I’m a huge fan of cheddar cheese omelets, so once again the winner is the Packers.

Quarterbacks

One quarterback, Aaron Rodgers, is great on the move.  The other quarterback, Ben Roethlisberger, is great in the pocket.  One quarterback (Rodgers) has never been to the Super Bowl.  The other quarterback (Roethlisberger) has two Super Bowl rings.  One quarterback (Rodgers) shows up to Media Day with a shaved face. The other quarterback (Roethlisberger) shows up to Media Day with a pedophile looking beard. One quarterback (Rodgers) has a reputation as a nice guy who plays guitar in his spare time.  The other quarterback (Roethlisberger) has a reputation as an unfriendly guy who plays girls in his spare time.  Advantage, Green Bay.

And the winner is…

After careful consideration of the most important issues pertaining to football, it is quite obvious that the Packers have the upper hand.  Granted, I have no clue if this will result in Green Bay winning the Super Bowl, but they’ve clearly won my heart…and really that’s all that matters.  Aren’t you glad I don’t do numbers?  Told ya blondes have more fun.

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One thought on “A Few Words from “Sports Blitz Ditz”

  1. thanks so much for the mention Kaci. love your blog!

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